Thursday, January 8, 2015

Like Mother Like Daughter

I am my mother’s daughter

My mother asked my father for a divorce shortly after their 34th wedding anniversary.  I remember at the time thinking “Why bother now?”  Of course when you are young it is hard to think about life after 50, not to mention thinking about your parents as sexual beings…I mean ICK!

I’d known my mom was unhappy in her marriage since I was 14.  I constantly expected her to leave my dad and for us to move away.  Instead she stayed, and stayed and stayed.  By the time I was 32 I figured she’d never leave, so it took me by surprise.   It also took my dad by surprise; even though she’d told him repeatedly that she was unhappy he was shocked that she decided to end their marriage.

I thought about staying with my husband until the kids were grown.  Then it occurred to me, my mom had done that.  What did I learn from her?  How to stay in a miserable marriage.  So what was I teaching my daughters?

My sister asked me why I decided to leave the Ex now.  She claimed that he hasn’t changed since we started dating.  That seemed odd to me, why would I want to be with someone who never changed after age 17?  I’m almost 50…I’d like to be with a grown-up thank you very much!  I’d told him repeatedly that I was unhappy and gave him warnings and ultimatums and he was still shocked that I decided to end our marriage.  I am my mother’s daughter…and I married my father.

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